Moody Weather

Yeah, I'm in one of those moods again. Depression's got its claws in me and is dragging me down. At least I can recognize the signs now.

This time it was triggered by the weather. Too many grey days in a row; not enough sun.

I've decided to give myself permission to wallow for a while - which means I can embrace the "I don't feel like doing anything" mood and not feel guilty about it. At least for tonight.

Spring and Reality

Today is the Vernal Equinox. In otherwords, happy first day of spring.

In celebration, I left work early today and then went to see the movie 300 tonight. Okay, the truth is I went home sick from work because I just couldn't stand being there anymore. And I went to the movies just so I could suspend reality for a while.

Reality is not all it's cracked up to be. Reality is working in a cube farm where the moral is bottoming out; it's coming home to a house that has way too much "stuff" in it. Reality is bills and bad news and an empty box of French Truffles.

Suspension of reality comes from the ability to lose yourself in a good book, or a movie, or spending time with a friend who can help you pretend, even for a little while, that you're not a middle-aged grownup with responsibilities, but a kid without a care in the world.

I think that's why I feel the need to write. Not just as a form of expression, but a need to create something that will help someone else suspend reality, even if it's just for the length of a short story.

Shredding Fool

I don't know who I thought I was kidding. With all the overtime I've been doing did I seriously think I was going to get oodles of work done in my office? I got some work done, yes, but it's far from finish still.

Part of the reason is I'm such a flaming pack rat! I started to go through my writing files to put them away, and you would not believe the amount of paper! I saved every version, every note, and they all went into humongous files. Gah! No wonder I can never find anything.

So a great part of my free time this week was spent going through my writing files. The files that went back into the drawer have no more than two versions of the same story, and any important notes pertaining to said story. For the novel length ideas I saved only the most current information in the files for the drawers, and all the notes, rough copies, etc. have been banished to storage. This has left me with another two bags full of shredded paper.

Slowly, but surely, the mountain of "stuff" is being reduced. But the best news is, I'm sitting at my desk to type this entry. AND I've just spent the last few hours writing at my desk. Feels good. Feels real good!

I'm A Wuss

I chickened out. The 10 hour shift sounded good in theory, but today I went back into the shift bid and changed it back to the week day shift. Last time I worked an afternoon shift the chaos and noise drove me nuts. Plus I don't think I'm going to accomplish more, I think I'd get less done. A 10 hour day shift would be great. Ten hours at night . . . I don't think so.

The shredding is done. I finished tonight; unless I find more stuff during another file purge. I can't afford the comfy chair, the throw rug or any new bookcases, so I'm just going to have to work with what I've got. My goal for the week is to get as much done in my office as I can. This weekend is going to be for writing.

Seriously!

Stop laughing.

And stop taking bets.

Singing the Blues

The good news is, my shredder is still working. But it needs a rest after each bag it fills. Quite frankly, by that time I need a rest too - shredding is boring work.

I am seriously considering working 2:30 p.m. to 1:00 a.m. with Friday, Saturday and Sunday off. Right now my shift is 7 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. (although I've been working from 6 to 4:30 for the overtime) with weekends off.

Why would I consider such a change? Well, right now I come home from work and I'm so mentally and emotionally drained that I all I want to do is veg. I'm thinking that maybe I can "get things done" in the morning, before work, and then I'd have that extra day off too. I don't know . . . maybe now that the time's changed and it's daylight longer I might find myself a little more motivated. I have until Friday to decide.

Back to the blues . . . I had a really nice morning. I had a friend and her hubby over for coffee and we had a really nice visit. I used to work with her (she got a better job, the lucky duck) and I can't tell you how much I miss her. She's just one of those rare people that you connect with instantly and then it's like you've been friends forever.

So I was a little bummed out after they left. You know, feeling lonely and sorry for myself. That's what I get for listening to Elton John while I'm shredding.

Recycling . . . PHOOEY!

I remember when they built the recycling plant to service our town. It was great. Not only could we suddenly recycle just about everything, but we didn't even have to separate it any more. Just toss it all in one bag.

Well, things change. Suddenly, without warning, the town got picky about what could be recycled. AND it had to be sorted.

Now, what brought this rant on, was the fact that one of the changes to our recycling process was that they'll only take paper if it's shredded. Being a conscientious sort of person, I dutifully gathered up all the paper meant for recycling and tonight I started to shred it.

Shredded paper takes up a hell of a lot more space than non-shredded paper. I have filled an over sized, clear plastic recycling bag with shredded paper. And I haven't even emptied one of the plastic grocery bags I filled with paper culled from my files. AND I think I burned out the motor on my shredder.

On the plus side, I've got the furniture in my office arranged the way I wanted and I get a real good feeling when I sit behind my desk.

March Came in Like a Lion

Happy first day of March - snow, wind, freezing rain and all!

Look to the right . . . what do you see? That's right, they're baaacckkk! My nifty little Zokutou bars. Maybe they'll inspire me to get some writing work done this weekend. My novel has been filling my brain, especially one of the scenes I've been having trouble with.

The problem is I'm too emotionally and mentally exhausted by the time I get home from work to think about writing. It's almost worse than physical exhaustion. I haven't even been reading much, until this week.

This past weekend I got the closet in my office cleared out and filled yet another garbage bag. This weekend, when I need a break from all the writing of course, I can finally start the "putting back together" phase of this project.

Still working as much overtime as I can manage. I'll be very glad when things are caught up and I can ease up on it. Of course one thing gets caught up and 3 more fall behind.

My kitty minions jimmied the lock on the office door - I came home from work today to find it wide open. It doesn't look like anyone misbehaived in there so I'm tempted to leave it open. Makes it more conducive to working in there when I'm too tired to write.

I want to get that office finished, or at least finished enough to use. Maybe I'm just deluding myself that once it's done I'll get more writing accomplished. Maybe all that will change is I'll just end up with a more organized place to store my books and writing stuff. Who knows? Just keep an eye on those Zokutou bars, just in case.